Josalyn’s eyes had not lifted once while they walked, though the shocked distance in them focused into bleary numbness the further they walked from where they were intercepted by the stranger. She wanted to fathom why it had happened. How, despite being such a minor transgression, it magnified everything she’d been pushing away. It drove the thought of unwantedness deeper in her head, and she tried desperately to fix on something else, or to forgive it for simply not knowing or being in a bad mood. She wanted this to be the good day Poet had promised. But it was hard, even to look up at him, to see how he was handling it or hope he could break her from her gloom. But she just couldn’t. She stared down at the grass, holding her breath like she was waiting for something to end. It was a ringing in her ears.
If there was something she felt beside stupefaction, it was anger. To be able to relate to her friend on a profound level, and to witness the very thing that weighed them both down. In the flesh. Knowing that he was good, that he didn’t deserve it. She might have, but as far as she was concerned - or knew - Poet had done no wrong. She didn’t know if the absence referred to was the one he took before they reunited or the one spent helping her, but both reasons she understood. How could that guy be so ignorant? How could he be so… harmful?
Poet had done so much for her. She wished she could have done as much to protect him. So, in a sense, that anger turned back in on herself. For not doing more. For being paralyzed. Weak, not good enough, again.
Her pace slowed.
Dec 20, 2017 07:08 PM
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