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Opening up to you
Early summer, calling for Oliver [trigger warning]

Name Player
Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson Jeames

A lot had happened lately and Mika felt he needed to call for Oliver and speak to the boy. He wanted to talk about Shade, ask for any type of advice he could get, but maybe not actually say it was Shade… Mika didn’t want to break any trust Shade might have in him, but he just wanted to make sure they had tried any possible option for the guy.

And, Mika wanted to tell Oliver more about himself. With Shade knowing his full name, it was only fair Oliver knew it, too, since he was Mika’s best friend. Mika also wanted to tell him about his past. About… how he felt. How he used to feel. After meeting Shade, he began to question his own sanity again, wondering if he really had been healed by Oliver’s friendship. He had had dreams last night, about his old life. When he hurt himself, and tried to take his own life.

It wasn’t Shade’s fault. Mika had always been like that. the dreams had just been gone for a while, but now they had returned. He didn’t blame Shade; Mika was sure the dreams would have returned sooner or later, one way or another, anyway.

’‘Oliver? Oliver are you around? Olliiiiiii?’‘

Where was that boy?

Jan 05, 2018 08:10 AM

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[ Edited: Jan 05, 2018 11:11 AM by Mikazaru ]
Name Player
Oliver 'Qui Dom

[ isa goosed me, so oliver is covered in sap. yay. no he wasn’t being gay with the tree really. that was a joke. but he was giving it a hug probably. i dunno he likes trees. NOT LIKE THAT. probably. also, he’ll arrive next round! :D ]

Oliver never failed to mark the pack’s borders in whatever way he could – leaving scents via his pee, brushing against the trees or other plants there, or generally just leaving his scent around the area. However, this time, it seemed that brushing against trees had not been such a good idea.

Rarely did Oliver come across problems or downsides with brushing against the trees in the creek, so he did not normally check them for any sort of sticky substance, but after he had brushed rather fervently against one tree in particular, he found that his coat felt a little odd. And, when he turned, it did not look as flowing and as fluffy as it normally did.

Upon closer inspection, it was, in fact, sticky, and Olli had to move to the creek to try and get rid of the sticky substance. To his frustration, even that did not seem to rid him of it, and he found that he was sticky, wet, and mildly frustrated.

With very little he could do to combat the sap – as frustrated as he was to admit that – Olli continued his duties, leaving the creek in fear that he would gather more on his coat and travelling to the rise to mark, deciding to simply leave scent markers by peeing so to not gather anything in his already rather messy coat while he was still sticky. He felt a little ridiculous, but he did not make a huge fuss about it, preferring to just… continue.

Until he heard a familiar voice that he was rather pleased to hear. He would have been more pleased if the situation was better, but even now, hearing his best friend warmed him while he felt otherwise upset by the matter at hand.

Excited, Olli sent up a howl to let his friend know he was on his way, then he turned to travel in the direction of the summons, always happy to talk to Mika, even if he was covered in tree sap.

Jan 05, 2018 08:33 AM — Post #1

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Name Player
Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson Jeames

Mika heard his friend’s familiar howl and sent back a howl of his own, happy to hear his friend was around. But he knew the mood might turn sad in a bit… knowing he was going to tell Oliver lots of things about himself. Bad things, probably. Still, after his howl he went in search of the boy, moving across the Rise.

’‘Olliiiiiiiii! Over hereeeeeee!’‘ he called out, hoping Oliver was close enough to hear Mika screech for him. Now, where was that noodle? Even if Mika was nervous, he loved to see Oliver and to talk to him, and to cuddle up with him.

Jan 05, 2018 08:58 AM — Post #2

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Name Player
Oliver 'Qui Dom

Almost immediately, he heard Mika call back. Olli grinned. Despite the sappy, horrible thing all over his normally well-kept coat, there was nothing nicer than spending time with his best friend, and he had missed him a lot. And after his conversation with Apollo – about Poet’s return and how… he had seemed so angry with his friend – he felt even more happy to see his friend than before.

Mika called again, shouting his name. He also began to come into view, so Oliver picked up his pace. Then as he neared, he steadied himself, his coat feeling strange against the wind as it brushed by. It did not flow as it used to, instead standing quite statically against the brush of the wind.

Mikaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I’m hereeeeee.” Oliver grinned as he stopped, immediately reaching out to nuzzle Mika and giving him a quick lick on the nose. He tried not to brush his sticky fur against Mika, though, as he did not want to make his friend sticky too. Or worse, have them get stuck together – if that was possible.

Is everything alright?” he asked.

Jan 05, 2018 09:11 AM — Post #3

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Name Player
Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson Jeames

Ah, there was Oliver! Mika rushed over to his friend to greet him, but it was Oliver who greeted him first, nuzzling him and licking his nose. Oh, haha. Mika grinned at his friend, his tail wagging. But there was one little thing. He asked if everything was alright. Mika’s grin faded, and he had to think for a moment before he gave an answer.

’‘I- I’m okay. There’s been some stuff going on, though… that’s why I wanted to talk to you.’‘ he said, trying to explain what was on his mind. ’‘I uh- I need some advice, regarding another friend.’‘ Let’s call Shade a friend for now, shall we?

’‘And I uh- I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself…’‘

Jan 05, 2018 09:26 AM — Post #4

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Name Player
Oliver 'Qui Dom

Mika appeared happy enough, so Oliver found no real cause for concern. As his friend grinned and his tail waved at their greeting, Olli was content. However, when his grin faded, Olli’s heart felt tight in his chest. Suddenly, the air felt tight and he cocked his head, worried for what might be coming.

As Mika began, Oliver seated himself, briefly looking over his friend as he tried to figure out what could be the issue. He did not have to wait long for the answer, yet even that worried him – whatever had been going on clearly was not good, and he felt pained that he had not been there for Mika then.

His chest tightened again at the thought of advice for a “friend,” as Olli knew he was certainly not the best at that, but he could definitely try. He preferred to back out of any sort of disputes, but he would do what he could for Mika – he was his best friend, after all.

As for the final mention, Olli’s ears flicked. His interest was piqued. Mika had no true reason to share information about himself; however, Olli had no true reason to stop him, so he nodded at the mention of it, happy to move on and allow his friend to share whatever he wished about his troubles, his friend, and himself. Whatever miseries he had dealt with, Olli did not want him to have to cope with them alone.

I am here for you, Mika. Always,” he replied, a small, comforting smile on his face, but nothing that he thought would seem insensitive.

Jan 05, 2018 09:33 AM — Post #5

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Name Player
Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson Jeames

Oliver said he would be there for Mika, always, which made Mika feel a bit better. But there was still so much to talk about. And Mika didn’t really know where to start. He had to think for a bit, but after a moment he decided to just… go for it. Here went nothing… he sighed. ’‘I met a wolf, who… how do I say this… tried to kill himself…’‘ Mika began, and he swallowed.

’‘I dunno how I managed, but I did get him to not jump off a cliff…’‘ he explained, and he looked down at his paws. ’‘I offered to help him, even though it made me uncomfortable. But I didn’t want him to try again. I didn’t want this to happen to him… because he- reminded me of me.’‘

Mika fell quiet for a moment, carefully looking up at Oliver, letting it sink in for the boy. ’‘I tried to kill myself before, Oliver… I also used to hurt myself on purpose physically, just so… I would not hurt mentally. I dunno… this guy. I want to help him but he makes me remember awful things about myself…’‘
His old hatred for himself was returning, it did not feel good, not at all.

’‘How could I help him…? If I was like that…?’‘

Jan 05, 2018 11:05 AM — Post #6

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Name Player
Oliver 'Qui Dom

Nothing could have prepared for the words that followed. The things that Mika revealed were far from what Olli could ever have imagined to be possible or true, but he would certainly never accuse his friend of lying about anything, let alone something so grave. Mika appeared far too tense to be lying, nor was this a matter that Olli thought anyone could conjure up the ability to lie about, for the thought alone seemed sickening.

A wolf had tried to kill himself and Mika, somehow, had stopped him.

The very thought was enough to have Olli’s stomach lurch, but what followed was even more heart-wrenching for the boy. He looked at Mika with a look that could only be described as troubled, but there were so many emotions swirling around in his head and through his mind that no amount of words could describe his feelings in that moment. He felt some level of physical pain for his friend then, struggling to do anything but stare at him as he revealed what had come to pass for him before he had met Olli.

That he had, at some point, fallen to do the same. That he had physically hurt himself to stop hurting mentally.

Oliver’s eyes fell soft, his mind awash with a range of emotions but falling short of selecting one. Olli could hear his heart thrum in his chest. Not only had Mika’s parents thought him unworthy of their time, but he had struggled through this, undoubtedly alone, and he found himself mentally deciding that he would no longer do that – not if those feelings returned.

He heard the questions that were posed, but Olli struggled with his words. He looked at his friend with care, far from thinking he was some delicate thing that could easily be shattered, more so knowing that he was the opposite.

If you’ve been through similar, then maybe it could help by offering him ways that helped you not feel that way? If… you don’t feel like that anymore? Let him know he has a home here – friends, those who care, those that will support him. That you do too,” Olli offered, unable to properly formulate his words well. He struggled some, but he managed it eventually.

Jan 05, 2018 12:11 PM — Post #7

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Name Player
Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson Jeames

’‘I… I said that. But that didn’t seem to be the issue…’‘ Mika mumbled, shrugging. ’‘He said he had nightmares, and that he had trouble eating. He couldn’t eat anymore because… he always felt bad about killing and eating animals. It’s a… very special case and I have no idea how to help him…’‘

A moment of silence. ’‘He keeps vomiting up the food, he told me… I told him he had to eat a lot, eat as much as possible. I offered to bring him food just so he would not have to raid the cache. Though, I’m not sure if this idea would work… I ran out of ideas. I tried to help him but I think I failed…’‘

Mika couldn’t help but cry. He felt the tears sting his eyes. So far they did not fall, not just yet, but he did worry he would cry in front of Oliver soon. He didn’t want to cry, but he never seemed able to keep himself from crying if tears threatened to come out.

Jan 05, 2018 12:35 PM — Post #8

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Name Player
Oliver 'Qui Dom

As Mika explained, voicing the exceptionally specific circumstances of the male’s feelings, Olli felt more and more at a loss for what to do. If he could not eat, if he felt he could not hunt, then Olli did not know what else to do but try and speak with him and find out why. Mika’s efforts were there and Oliver was sure they would be appreciated, but it was a difficult one indeed, and he was sure it would not be easy to overcome – not that he thought these feelings were, anyway.

Perhaps if you tried to find out why he feels bad about it? Maybe said they would, eventually, die anyway. That it’s necessary,” Olli offered, at a loss for what they could do. He wanted to help this wolf more than anything, but he was struggling to find much to do. He did not think he could let the wolf waste away.

He noted Mika’s eyes sting with tears. Tentatively, he reached out to press his cheek to Mika’s, wary that his coat was still covered in sap and could quite possibly stick to Mika’s if he got too close, but much more focussed on comforting his friend in that moment.

You’ve not failed.

Jan 05, 2018 01:49 PM — Post #9

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Name Player
Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson Jeames

Oliver came with an idea, but Mika wasn’t so sure if it would work… ’‘I dunno why he feels bad about it, exactly, but I have a feeling he feels bad about it because he might cut a being’s life short… Even if they would die eventually, we would cut their life short. I think… that’s the issue.’‘ Mika mumbled, and he shrugged. He went to take a seat, but he did not exactly look comfortable. To be honest Mika felt far from comfortable.

’‘But… I dunno… seeing him, talking to him… I thought about myself, from a while back. Before you met me and took me in, I was lost. I felt so horrible.’‘ he explained, and he let out a sigh. Oliver comforting him was a nice gesture but sadly it didn’t make Mika feel any better right now. Mainly because he was struggling, fighting with himself. ’‘I… I was reminded. And I think I’m- starting to feel like that again. I cannot deal with other’s pain, I take it all in, make it my own…’‘

Jan 06, 2018 12:11 PM — Post #10

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Name Player
Oliver 'Qui Dom

As Mika went on about the wolf’s feelings, Olli felt more and more at a loss for what to say. He knew very little about how to avoid eating meat himself, or alternative ways to kill, so if he was struggling with that… there was little he could do. He just hoped that there was some way of getting through to him, some way that they could make him feel as though it was not cutting the animal’s life short.

Atlas would probably know, but he was not being asked, was he? It made Olli feel a little deflated, but he knew he could not for long – he had other things to discuss and listen to, so he turned his attention utterly back to Mika.

The idea that Mika was beginning to feel that way again after being reminded, as he put it, of himself by this wolf terrified Olli. He hated to think he could lose Mika, let alone lose him to something so terrible as the wolf himself. He was too caring – he took everything in, made everything his own. Oliver’s face fell, struggling to find words to help his friend, but desperate to do so.

If you’re feeling that way again, what was it that made you feel better? Can – do you think we can find that again?” His questions were posed genuinely and with a worried tone, but he was also serious about helping. As he looked at Mika, he just… hoped he would be let in. Whatever was going on, he wanted to help as much as he could, as terrible as he was at it.

Jan 07, 2018 08:27 AM — Post #11

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Name Player
Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson Jeames

’‘I- I’m not sure. I just happened to find a distraction. You gave me a distraction.’‘ Mika said, and he smiled lightly, but his face looked pained. ’‘But now that… I notice it was a distraction… I dunno. I’ve had this on and off. I- I’m sure it will get better again, you don’t need to worry about me.’‘ he told the boy. He didn’t want Oliver to worry, because that was not why he talked to Oliver. He talked to the guy because he liked the guy, because he wanted to talk to him.

’‘You’re already helping me more than enough, by being here for me. Everything started because my parents never cared about me. They just let me go, didn’t say a single goodbye to me. I don’t think they ever loved me.’‘ Mika explained. He said it so calmly, his expression not changing, it looked like it did not bother him. And it sort of didn’t anymore, for he had grown up with it. He was used to it.

Maybe he needed to… lighten the mood a little. ’‘You know? They gave me a long ass name I hate, and I don’t want to use it. But I ended up telling that other wolf my full name when we spoke, so I believe you should know it, too. Just for the sake of knowledge, no?’‘ A small grin on his face, and a quick wink.
’‘They named me Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson. Isn’t that the worst name you’ve ever heard?’‘

Yeah, just call him Mika.

Jan 08, 2018 07:29 AM — Post #12

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Name Player
Oliver 'Qui Dom

The idea that Mika had just “found” a distraction puzzled Olli, but he accepted it. Distractions were easy to come by, he supposed, but he also knew that such a thing had always been more common for him when he was a pup, like back when he used to think that flying was a possibility – a probability, more like – and that he would one day become just a powerful and large as the Titan.

Back then, things were so careless, but now it was… so different. Sometimes, Oliver did wonder if things would ever return, even slightly. He knew that was far from just hopeful, reaching borderline make-believe and even a pup-like mentality.

However, he focussed his thoughts on Mika and his words.

His troubled past about his parents hurt Oliver, but it did not appear to do the same to Mika himself. The wolf’s expression and tone appeared so uncaring, so unchanged, and Olli wondered why it was so – did he simply not care? Had he become so desensitised to his parents’ actions that they meant nothing any longer?

Olli said nothing for now, simply taking everything in as Mika continued, his voice now something a little more light-hearted as he discussed his… name?

Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson.

Oliver smiled, finding it both amusing and quite adorable. “It’s cute,” he said with a grin. “I think it’s really cute.” His grin widened as he looked right at Mika – Mikazaru – right in his eyes. “Really long, but Mikazaru is so cute. But so is Mika.” Then he returned that wink, a little light-hearted before he addressed anything else.

I don’t know what it is I’m doing, but I’ll try to keep doing it. I’ll be there too. You’re my best friend, Mika, and I love you,” he added, a little more serious. He could not replace the love of his parents, but he could love him as a friend damn well should. “And I’ll definitely never tease you by calling you Mikazaru.” The grin returned. “Since we’re sharing full names, my full name’s Oliver ‘Qui. Nowhere near as grand as yours.

Jan 09, 2018 03:19 PM — Post #13

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Name Player
Mikazaru Noah Mason Johnson Jeames

Cute? Oliver thought his full name was cute? Uuuugh, no, it was not. Mika hated the name so much. Why did Oliver have to call it cute? What was even cute about a long ass name? ’‘Please stick to Mika.’‘ he piped in real quick before Oliver continued speaking. After that, he listened as the boy had things to say.

Oliver loved him, he said. While he probably meant just loving him as a friend, the word ‘‘love’’ had always made Mika slightly uncomfortable. His parents had never said the words to him, neither had his siblings. So he had grown up never using them, and just not getting used to them. Soooo instead of saying it back, he basically avoided it. ’‘Thanks.’‘ was all he said. He grinned lightly at Oliver’s next words, telling Mika his own full name.

’‘Your name sounds a lot better than mine, though. I wish they had given me yours.’‘ he told Oliver, and he was actually genuine about it, how much it even sounded like a joke. ’‘The name ‘Qui sounds fucking amazing.’‘
Woops, slip up of curse words again. But Mika did that a lot.

At least it was mixed with a compliment.

Jan 10, 2018 12:15 AM — Post #14

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Name Player
Oliver 'Qui Dom

I will – whatever you choose and makes you comfortable,” Olli promised with a grin.

Mika’s discomfort at “I love you” was notable, but Oliver barely picked up on it. He was hardly tuned to it, so he did not notice that Mika was particularly uncomfortable about that specifically. Olli assumed Mika was just uncomfortable about everything, rather than one thing.

Mika then sort of joked, but did not at the same time, about Olli’s last name being amazing. He grinned at that. ‘Qui was nice, but he also felt a sort of disconnect with it – what, with all of them being gone and with… no one else to link to. But taking Atlas’ last name felt like some sort of betrayal of his biological father and the legacy Olli carried and cherished, so there was no change he could make there.

They didn’t really choose it. It was their last name. Rowan and Tala ‘Qui. All my siblings had it too. Mika ‘Qui would sound quite cool, though, wouldn’t it?” Olli said with a laugh, indulging Mika’s joke. Because Mika was his friend, and his friend was still somewhat upset, and it was the only way Olli knew how to cheer up a friend.

Dad’s last name is Stormborn. I think he named the Alliance after himself? Maybe I should ask at some point.” Olli pondered that, but it was also sort of a question – what did Mika think? Should he bother? He did wonder, sometimes.

Jan 12, 2018 02:23 PM — Post #15

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