The sudden change in demeanor within his daughter was something unexpected. His words were not very clear, not a good explanation at all to why he left The Sanctuary and sought out the whereabouts of his daughter. The clear anger and dismay in her voice caused his ears to flatten. Was she mad at him? Or others in The Sanctuary? He had indeed been told that she went away to visit Nima, The Rapist King’s Mother, but he had not known where this Nima was, nor had he known that it was such a long trip. The waiting, it had gotten to him, had been poisoning his mind, day by day. The fault here was no one else’s, but his own. He should have talked to someone, instead, he isolated himself from the pack and only had his own thoughts to listen to, which was never a good idea when he was feeling so strongly about something.
He stared at his daughter for the brief moments that she had pulled away, stared into her green apple eyes, hurt and worry and regret in his own amber orbs. If only he had been more patient, if only he had talked about his feelings to someone. If only…
There was nothing to be done about it now, expect plead for forgiveness from his family and hope that they still accepted him as their Guardian.
For those moments, he was silent and merely listened. Senna’s rage was something he was not used to and it brought back memories of the time that he had hurt her and caused this rage and here he was again, the source of her dismay. To hear her apologize to him, when she had done nothing wrong…. it broke his heart.
“Senna.. no.. I.. I’m sorry. My absence, it was no one’s fault.. but my own.” The words were hard to say, hard to admit, especially to someone so important to him. Someone who looked up to him, someone that depended one him and here he was , being weak. He needed to be strong, strong for Senna, strong for Catrine, for Sunfall, for all of those in The Sanctuary, but right now… right now he felt so weak and small.
The contact was comforting, easing his mind a bit, but he could not indulge in this feeling forever, not while Senna thought that it may be someone else’s fault to why he was not here to greet her on her return from such an important task. Time for an explanation.
“Senna, please, do not be angry at anyone, but me..” Those words, were the hardest words he would ever say.“Catrine did informed me of your mission to visit Nima, but I…. I did not take it well and I did not speak to anyone about my sorrow in hearing that you had left and that I was not there to see you off. I was… afraid..” His voice was small and for a moment, he buried his muzzle in the nape of his daughter’s neck. How embarrassing it was, to share your feelings with someone, but Senna deserved this, she deserved to know why Nanook had left. “The days after, I-I spent too much time worrying, about what might happen, about what kind of wolf this Nima was, about your journey. I didn’t know where this Empire was or how long the trip would take… After so many days had passed, the waiting it…. it got to me. I spent too much time away from the pack and it was only a matter of time before I came looking, but I did not know where to go, so I searched.. aimlessly. I am the one who is sorry, Senna.” Now it was his turn to pull back, to face her dismayed face once more. “I wanted to be here when you returned, I wanted to tell you how proud I was of you, for taking on such a serious role in this pack, you and Albus. I wanted to be the only cheering you on, but I… my mind, Senna… it is sometimes my worse enemy… I-I am sorry. Truly I am.”
The hurt, the embarrassment, the suffering that he had been going through in her absence, it all showed on his tired, mud caked face. Would she ever be able to forgive him? Would The Sanctuary forgive him? Would he ever… forgive himself?
Feb 19, 2018 09:46 AM — Post #6
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