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If anxiety was a drug, I’d be overdosing.
Late Summer||25ºC||Cloudy||Looking for a place to freak out peacefully

12258
Cygnus is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Cygnus Altair Jazmin
 

(I’m placing this after Marzena’s death, but keeping it pretty vegue.)

Her paws had dragged her out of her comfy spot on a small hill. She had been spending more and more time out patrolling and hunting. The only thought in her mind was ‘protect’. She had pushed herself to the limit every day with the urge to protect those she cares about. Cygnus hadn’t spent a second thinking about anything else. Everything she had done was fueled by that burning desire. Yet, her body was giving out under her. Her fur was messy and unkept and while she was eating (only as much as she can stomach), she was losing fat a rather fast pace. Her figure was getting slimmer and slimmer. Her eyes had dulled and her face was paler than before. She looked ill. And that’s because, in a way, she was.

Her body had taken quite a lot and decided to retaliate by guiding her somewhere peaceful. The Shadowed Dell was one of her favourite spots in the entire valley. It was dim, peaceful, and mostly deserted. Her claws scrapped on the rock bellow as she slinked further inside the dell. And before she knew it, she was sitting beside a large rock. It was quiet, and apperantly, perfect to think. Cygnus should’ve seen it. Her own body turning on her. But no, she didn’t think to get up and distract herself, nor did any alarms go off when her thoughts began to wonder. It only occured to her when she remembered the recent passing of their Leader. And therefore, the passing of her own mother and disappearance of her father. The yearling sat there as the flod gates opened and everything hit her at once.

Her breaths were soon comming out in raspy waves. Her eyes brimmed with tears as her whole body trembled. Her legs felt weak and she suddenly felt the urge to vomit. Questions filled her head as her throat closed up. As she thought more and more her chest began to sting, and before long, it felt like a spike had been driven through it along with a burning sensation. It hurt. Oh god, it hurt. But she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop thinking about the what ifs and what had happened in the past. Nothing made sense and everything hurt. Everything hurt so much and she couldn’t. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t blink. She couldn’t BREATHE.

Only ragged breaths and a few whinnes filled the cave. Was she dying? No, this wasn’t dying. It was too much pain. Her lungs ached for air that she simply couldn’t suply. And her head! It throbbed and her ears rang. Cygnus was scared, confused and alone. She had no idea what was happening and it seemed to make it worse. Her thoughts ran wild as her head pounded and her senses were overflowing with awful feelings. All she could focuse on was her need to breathe. But that just made it worse too.

She looked about frantically with her eyes. She needed to breathe. She needed air! But, how? How! Her own body wanted her dead. She needed a distraction. Was that it? A distraction? She couldn’t find anything to focus on. Everything was too much. Why? Why couldn’t she make it stop? The yearling collapsed to the floor, now laying down. She was in pain. She was scared. She was confused. She was anxious. And worst of all, she was stuck with herself. With no way of distracting herself she simply waite. Just as she had done before and will continue to do. After all, she didn’t have a choice in the matter.


Mar 13, 2018 08:22 PM

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198973
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

[Sorry, couldn’t help myself. I love Cygnus ;o;]

Cygnus wasn’t the only one who found solace in the Dell. In fact, Stark had been the first to be here, and claim it as a spot to detach himself from the world. He was on his way to the Dell to cry over his mother in peace, and did not expect to stumble upon anyone else. As he arrived at the Dell, he swore he could hear whining and whimpering, but he wasn’t sure.

The boy frowned, and carefully peered around. But so far he did not see anyone. Was someone hiding here? He noticed Cygnus’ scent around the area, which smelled rather fresh? Though, he wasn’t sure if she was still here. ’‘Hello…? Anyone there?’‘
If some stranger was hiding in his Dell, Stark was going to be pissed. He was already on thin ice to begin with.

Whenever bad things happened, he got very sad, but he masked his sadness with anger and frustration. He could not help it…


Mar 14, 2018 05:12 AM — Post #1

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199002
Cygnus is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Cygnus Altair Jazmin
 

(No problem! I love Stark ;b Also, maybe a small trigger warning on this post. Just in case.)

The ringing was deafning. But she heard something through the noise. Or rather someone. Their voice was muffled and too distorted to identify. And already fearing the unknown, she became more anxious. She needed a distraction, but not like this. What if they were dangerous? What if they wanted to hurt her? What if they were dangerous? What if? On and on her brain supplied more and more thingsto worry about. In her panic, she bit her tongue. Doing so made her flinch.

She had flinched. She MOVED. The thought excited her. She decided to concentrate on the pain. Thus, through the banging in her head, the ringing in her ears, the tears in her eyes, the pain in her chest, and the gasping on her breath, she bit again. Her tongue throbned, giving her domething else to focus on. But the pain had soon been lost to her overwhelmed nerves. She needed something. She needed to breathe again. The pain was agonizing.

Now in full out survival mode, the dark yearling shakily bit her leg. It didn’t draw blood, but it did hurt. So she continued adding sparks of pressure here and there. Focusing on this was slowly bringing her down from her attack. But it wasn’t enough. She needed more! But she couldn’t handle more. Yet, she needed it. She needed to have something solid to focus on. Gosh, why had her body dragged her somewhere as baren and bland as the Dell? The rock formations and streaks of light only held her attention for so long.


Mar 14, 2018 09:17 AM — Post #2

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199004
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

No response. Huh. Stark frowned, and decided to move in closer, walking into the area. He stopped at the stream, and took a drink. Felt tears prick his eyes, but didn’t want them to fall. So instead, Stark blinked, several times. Take the tears away. Take them away. He did not want them.

He really thought he heard noise, and his ears flicked. Huh? His head lifted, and he looked around, but did not see anyone. However, Stark knew this area well. He had been here before, since he was young. First time here, he had been with Valentina. Sigh.

There were caves around. and one was close by. So Stark decided to look there, first. There had to be someone there. No one could hide from him. Not when they made noises. Not when Cygnus’ scent was so strong, here. It was Cygnus, wasn’t it? ’‘Come out. It’s Stark.’‘ he called into the darkness. Eyes squinted. There was movement. ’‘Cygnus?’‘
What the hell was she doing?


Mar 14, 2018 09:23 AM — Post #3

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199015
Cygnus is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Cygnus Altair Jazmin
 

The sound got closer. It was low and had a sort of grumble to it. Her brain was so overloaded with thoughts that it took her longer to realize who it was. After a few seconds of thought she realized who it was. Stark? She wanted to call out. Say something. But all she could manage were a few whines accompanied by raspy breaths.

She went back to biting her leg. The distraction helped the headache and ringing. But everything else was the same. She needed more! But before she could bite harder, a wave of nausea hit her. Had her body confused her chewing for food? Or did it just decide now was a good time to hurl? She didn’t know. What she did know is that she didn’t want to throw up. Instead, she stopped biting and dragged in ragged breaths, closing her eyes and trying to at least control her gag reflex. It worked…but she ended up being more restless as her whole body shook.


Mar 14, 2018 09:45 AM — Post #4

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199021
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

Wow what now? What the hell? Was she fucked in the head out something? Stark saw her. He saw her bite. Her fucking leg.
“What the hell you doing, crazy girl?” he called out, confused. “Stop that. It doesn’t solve your problems.” Whatever those problems were.

He moved over to her, when she stopped. He saw her body shake, and sighed. A worried look crossed his face. No time for mourning today, it seemed…
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
Talk to him, Cygnus.


Mar 14, 2018 10:13 AM — Post #5

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199035
Cygnus is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Cygnus Altair Jazmin
 

She tried to respond, but it wasn’t working. And that freaked her out even more. Taking a few quick breaths she focused on his voice. Not necessarily what he was saying but what is sounded like. It calmed her. It gave her something to focus on that didn’t hurt. Something to think about in a positive manner. In reality, almost any voice would be soothed her, but the low grumbles made her feel safe. She had a pack. A home. And wolves that care.

Her breathing, while still eratic, was coming in easier. It enabled her to speak, if only a few words at a time. “Can’t…breathe” was the first few words she spoke. “Don’t…know…why” another pause and more raspy breaths ensued. “Need…distraction” and then she went back to raspy breaths that bearely held anything. She needed him to keep talking. Talking was good. Talking helps. Sound helps. She whined as the headache returned and the burning sensation intensified once more.


Mar 14, 2018 12:34 PM — Post #6

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199059
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

She could not breathe? What? Stark looked at her with a massive frown, trying to understand her. trying to get what she was saying. Because, how could she not breathe? Stark didn’t know how to help. Was he even a good distraction…?

At least, she took his mind off his dead mother, for now.

’‘Do you have this often? Or, did you have this, before?’‘ he asked Cygnus. Maybe she was used to this? No, how could one ever get used to this? It looked like she was suffocating. God damn… ’‘How can I help?’‘ Please, let there be something he could do.
Stark felt quite helpless…


Mar 14, 2018 01:59 PM — Post #7

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199070
Cygnus is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Cygnus Altair Jazmin
 

Stark had asked her a seriese of questions she couldn’t understand. The only thing that lulled her was his voice. He sounded panicked. Which, while it was making her wory, it was endearing in a way. She only cought the last question as the ringing dimmed. ‘How can I help?’ Taking a rough breatg through a closed throat, she answered. “Keep…talking”

Her whole body shook as she lost focus and spiraled to her original state. Oh, how she hated this. If he left now, she was unsure how long it might last. At least with him there, she could have some control. And control was good. Not scary. It helped. Cygnus shut her eyes tightlly and waited for the pain to arise again. She needed this. She needed a distraction. Needed someone to tell her it’ll all be okay. Even if it wasn’t.


Mar 14, 2018 03:01 PM — Post #8

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199075
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

’‘Keep… talking.’‘
Would that help her? Would talking help Cygnus? Was it really that great of a distraction for her? What would he talk about, anyway? He had no idea… He wasn’t really a talker. Stark normally responded to what others said, or told him. But now, he had to talk. About what?
He thought for a moment, tried to come up with anything. He decided to just… tell her about the past. About something.

’‘Okay um…’‘ he began, trying to find the right words. ’‘The first time I came to the Dell, I was only a few months old. I… sneaked after our former leader, Valentina. Not sure if you ever met her. She died quite a while back… But, I followed her here, and she and I- we talked, walked around, explored the place. This Dell, it became my safe haven after that. I came here to escape, when I needed it. When I wanted to be alone.’‘

It was a part of his past. And it was something he hadn’t even thought about in so long.

He wasn’t sure if she would listen, or if his words would be lost to the wind. But at least… he finally talked to someone about his thoughts.


Mar 14, 2018 03:13 PM — Post #9

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199102
Cygnus is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Cygnus Altair Jazmin
 

She listened. It started out with her just listening to the sound of his voice.  How it wrapped around his words and the way it danced and sometimes break in half. Her breathing slowed, giving her chest time to recover. It was still raspy and rather stuttery. But it was something. And as her breathing slowed, her ears stopped ringing and the nausea subsided. While breathing was still a hard task to complete, it felt far more plaussible.

As her body stopped shaking, the words entering her ears started making sense. While she had only caught a few snipits here and there, she could still piece it together. It gave her mind something else to focus on and analyse. She slowly sat up, almost crashing back down in exhaustion. She closed her eyes again and imagined what Stark had told her. Tears fell as she saw it happen. Cygnus felt the urge to protect the male even more. To give back what he had given her.

Right now though, she needed to focus. Focus on breathing. She didn’t know if she even would get sucked back into that trance, but she wasn’t about to take any chances. As soon as she calmed down, she would thank him. Explain what had happened, even if she herself didn’t know for sure.


Mar 14, 2018 05:02 PM — Post #10

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199190
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

It looked like his words calmed her? Stark had no idea… But it looked like Cygnus was doing a little bit better. Was he supposed to say more? He thought for anything else to talk about. He guessed he could say whatever was on his mind. It felt kind of okay… to talk about his thoughts. But he didn’t have the feeling he could talk to anyone else about it. Maybe because Cygnus was not his family. He had been surrounded by family for so long, and maybe he didn’t want them to judge him. Maybe he did not want to disappoint them.He did not know Cygnus very well, so perhaps, he could not disappoint her? He didn’t know why his thought process was so weird.

’‘My so called father abandoned my mother before we were born. I did not meet him until I was only a few months old/ He came back, only to attack my mom, and then he was chased out and I’ve never seen him again. I look just like him… I’m the only one who looks just like him. And… I don’t want to look like him. It scares me, how much he and I are alike. Not only in appearance… I’ve the feeling I got his short temper. And I don’t want to be like him. I wish I could be more like my mother. I wish I had a normal father. A better one. But maybe all fathers are like that?’‘


Mar 15, 2018 04:17 AM — Post #11

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199220
Cygnus is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Cygnus Altair Jazmin
 

Cygnus finally came down from her panicked state. Her breathing, while a bit hiccup-y, was much better. The ringing stopped. Her chest had retained a dull pain, just like the headache. She wasn’t suffocating anymore. The yearling was still shaking slightly. She had no idea what had happened. Was it something she did? In her eyes she had been doing the right thing.

Taking deep breaths to calm herself, she listened to the male. Nat had already told her about her own family, but it was nice to hear it from the other sibling. It seems that he had a different version of the story. So, she listened patiently and let his voice lull her, while his words gave her something to work with. It was a painful picture to say the least.

“I don’t believe they are. Mine wasn’t. You just happen to get stuck with a bad one. But, I don’t see how you think you’re like him. From how you’ve described him, you seem to be much more understanding in a way.” her voice was hoarse and gravelly.  She gave him a tired smile and dipped her head. “I’m sorry”


Mar 15, 2018 08:56 AM — Post #12

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199223
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

Cygnus seemed to do better, and Stark was glad he had sort of helped? Had he even helped? Had talking really done anything? Well, looked like Cygnus had a good dad, and Stark’s was just fucked up. Goodie. Life was totally fair.

’‘Oh trust me. You didn’t know me before I started to try and turn my pathetic life around.’‘ he warned her, shaking his head. Stark had been worse, so much worse. But, he still wasn’t good enough. He was constantly judging himself. He still needed to apologize to Maeve, and this Senna girl. And who else again…? Ugh, too many names. Too many wolves.

’‘You doing better?’‘


Mar 15, 2018 09:19 AM — Post #13

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199299
Cygnus is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Cygnus Altair Jazmin
 

She didn’t know what he meant by that. “What do you mean? Were you a bad wolf before?” she asked, her curiosity peeked. Had he been dangerous? As far as she knew, he was a nice wolf. All the times she’s ever talked to him, he had been patient, calm, and casual. Had he been something else before? Did he hurt others? In reality, Cygnus couldn’t see him hurting anyone on purpose.

He asked how she was doing. In reality, she had no idea. “I don’t know? I guess I’m tired.” she didn’t know how to explain how she was feeling. The yearling felt numb in a way. Empty, even. It wasn’t a nice feeling, but it was better than feeling an unbearable panic followed by physical pain.


Mar 15, 2018 03:33 PM — Post #14

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199403
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

Had he been a bad wolf before? Hmmmmm… ’‘Kinda? I was a bratty teenager that always yelled and got angry over the stupidest shit, and the smallest things, and I threw insults around as if they were regular words.’‘ A shrug. ’‘I made a looot of wolves sad…’‘ And now, he looked a bit upset. Because he felt guilty.

Cygnus said she was tired, and Stark nodded once. ’‘You should rest, then. Lay down.’‘ he told her.


Mar 16, 2018 12:22 AM — Post #15

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