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my soul has been really tired. 
*clears throat*

12658
Name Player
Sikozu Nesryn Carra
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1year 2mos 6mos 100ooc helper otm
 

I feel like for the past six months or so on Horizon, my summary has been “I don’t know what to say”.

But I’m here trying anyway, for what it’s worth.

I guess I’ll start with me first.

I’m not super outgoing on this site. That’s just a fact. I really love writing but I struggle with my public image simply because I’m shy unless I know you. The cbox freaks me out, which is why I’m not often there and that’s okay. That’s just how I am. But it also means that I’m not super transparent with my OOC life in ways that other people are unless we talk privately.

I was “laid off” after a really shitty year in 2017 when my building that I managed and lived at sold in November. I spent most of October in the darkness of my mind, and then I was able to secure a transfer within my company instead of being completely jobless to move to California for a new project. Well I moved my entire life here and then…I was stuck. I was put in the worst situation at the worst office where my mental health plummeted even more. It was so negative that I went home and would let my dogs out and fall into my bed without moving at night after. It was so awful, and I cried more times than I even want to admit over the fact I moved my entire life to a state for a job that wasn’t even going to happen. I was tricked, and HR wouldn’t help me and told me I was confused. My regional manager basically ruined my reputation at my company and it was really really difficult because I love my work.

I was able to find a new job and I LOVE it. Like, I have smiled more in the past month than I probably have in the past year. I am so happy. Three weeks ago after I was finally free of the drama in my workplace, my grandmother had a stroke. They live across the country and it put me so far back down into my hole because I felt so helpless and it’s been so long since I’ve seen her.  On top of that, I had to move again out of my other apartment..for the third time in 2018 when I was hired with a new company.

The reason I bring all of this up and word vomit is 1) it feels good to just GET IT ALL OUT and 2) my life has been a fucking wreck these last few months. I’m finally in a good place, and that brings me to this message.

I’ve been too scared to get back on Horizon now that I’m in a good place. As much as I love this site, sometimes it’s really hard and I mean that in the most loving way. I think in some way or another all of us have struggled with a lot of things here over the past few months (maybe not, if not I don’t mean to put words in your mouth, I PROMISE). I normally don’t comment on any of the threads here because I just..I don’t know. It’s always been my thing to quietly sit in the corner here, but there’s so much I’ve been carrying on my heart. Some of that is me, no one is asking me to be quiet, but some of it has been irrelevant to bring up as well because I never wanted to stir the pot here. (There’s nothing specific I’m referring to now, I’m just talking general feelings that I think we all kind of have?)

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ve stayed away because my life has been a shit show and I needed to take care of myself first, but I also was worried about coming back and being a failure to those around me and because sometimes it can be too much. For anyone I held up, I am so sorry. I really, truly am. It was so far from my intention. I love this site, and I can’t imagine leaving it long term.

UHM YEAH, so that was my word vomit if anyone got this far. I love you guys, and I just have been needing to fill up my own cup before I tried to work on anything else.

*awkwardly goes to hide in the corner again*


Apr 11, 2018 09:09 PM

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204867
Name Player
Anna Stephansdotter Rainy Staff
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2mos 6mos 100posts 250posts artist helper profile
 

Hi I love you and I hope things start (continue?) to look up soon andandand I’m sorry that you’ve had these difficulties and also I too am a quiet corner-dweller by nature so I understand now budge the heck over cuz I’m coming in. -slides into corner with you-


Apr 11, 2018 09:52 PM — Post #1

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204882
Name Player
Tychus Daniels Bamsy
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None yet!
 

<3 I’m really happy you’re giving this a try.  Lort knows why it can be so difficult to have a healthy relationship with a wolf rp site, but we got this okay WE GOT THIS!


Apr 12, 2018 12:59 AM — Post #2

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204945
Name Player
Peregrine Isabel
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1year 2mos 6mos artist bugsuggestion helper profile supporter tumblr welcomeguide
 

*holds warmly*

I hate how life has been bitchy to you and I’m glad things have been starting to get sorta better. <3 and also yay to pouring out feelings and feeling good about it ! :3

I love you <3333


Apr 12, 2018 11:50 AM — Post #3

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204957
Name Player
Ink Fao Staff
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1year 2mos 6mos 100ooc 100posts 250posts betatester helper lonelythreads profile welcomeguide wikicontributor
 

baaaaaaabe

If you wanna come back and with Rook an’ stuff… Faolan’s been in limbo too as I’ve dealt with my own mental suspension so… Just if you wanna we can work on bringing back to the brothers to proper working order together. I’ve kinda assumed they’ve been chilling anyway.

Love youuuu. Always here if ya need to vent, you know where to find me.


Apr 12, 2018 12:52 PM — Post #4

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204976
Name Player
Adhara Fitzroy Madison
Achievements (?)
None yet!
 

ahhh it’s nice to see you on the online list, even if you aren’t active. i mean, i know you got a whole lot of stuff going on (*cough* me? creeping your fb statuses always? nooo) but we’ll always be here for you even if you want to take some time off. holding hands across the internet ok <3


Apr 12, 2018 03:19 PM — Post #5

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205012
Name Player
Bucky Rangers Chris Staff
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helper otm profile
 

*Quietly hugs Carra*


Apr 12, 2018 07:40 PM — Post #6

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205088
Name Player
Darcian Aekyr Carra
Achievements (?)
1year 2mos 6mos 100ooc helper otm
 

I love you all. Thank you. I’m going to be evaluating the characters that are currently working for me and ones that I need to put on the sideslines for now, and giving myself permission to feel those feels towards it all made me feel a lot better. FANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS, they mean so much. *hugs everyone and makes room in the corner for a group party*

You’ll see me around. If you need anything, please poke me because I may lurk more as I’m getting back into what works best.


Apr 12, 2018 11:51 PM — Post #7

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205540
Name Player
Cleo Divinity armadillo
Achievements (?)
None yet!
 

ik i already sit it but we love you carra and hugs and i wish i could give you styilish metaphorical rain boots to weather all the stuff that’s been going on. you’re magical /sprinkles confetti


Apr 15, 2018 10:00 PM — Post #8

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