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Pocket full of madness and junk
Early autumn

12659
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

Stark was home. At first, he had dragged himself home. Nut the longer he walked, the more he was able to clear his head and eventually… he came walking into the Falls like nothing had happened. However, he looked different. Tired, for sure, but also… hollow. Indifferent.

He didn’t really feel sad anymore. He had cried a lot. And he had cried enough. He felt empty now, very empty. And he felt useless.
But, he wanted to be useful. He did not really know how, but he had been thinking.

Bucky and Braith were at the coast. He could always go to them, always talk to them. But while he wanted that, was that a good thing? He did not want to grow attached to wolves again. It hurt less if wolves died who you were not familiar with. Stark had not really cried over Yakov. It had been his mother’s death, and Cygnus’ that had done it for him. That had made him break.

Stark decided he could not go crying to everyone, every time something bad happened. He had to close himself off, detach himself. Deal with things, himself. That’s what needed to be done. And if he ever wanted to take care of the Brotherhood, he needed to not be a fucking pussy.

The only thing he was really good at was hunting. He had not felt ready. And maybe he still was not ready, but he had considered it. Becoming Lead Hunter. If he could be brave, look his sister straight in the eyes and tell her he was considering it, would she think he was brave? Would she consider him worthy?

God damn it. He would fight for it if he had to. He was so done with running away.
Maybe feeling empty and hollow was better than feeling sad.
It made him think clearer.

Or did it?

Stark suddenly wanted to go hunting. By himself. Bring down a big beast.
Take it home to the cache, show that he could do it.

But his legs fell heavy, and he wasn’t sure for how much longer he could walk.

Stark didn’t know how to feel anymore, what to think anymore. He was utterly exhausted. His mind screamed that he was useless, that he needed to die. His heart told him to try for the role of Lead Hunter, to follow this desire.


Apr 12, 2018 03:13 AM

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204949
Name Player
Nanna Art Staff
Achievements (?)
None yet!
 

Nanna was older now. She had gotten a better grasp of words, and could pronounce them quite well for her age. It helped that she was surrounded by such a talkative family, but things seemed to get more… upsetting lately.

The girl imagined it was because Cygnus had died. Nanna stopped her walking at the thought of the black lady. It was a sad thought, the first actual negative feeling Nanna had. The child had not seen death until that time. Therefore, she was still trying to process it.


Then a scent she adored tickled her always wiggling nose. “Stark?” she asked as her head whipped around to find her friend. Nanna then jumped up and did a little dance in the air as she began to sprint towards the boy. Over the month, the child had gotten less clumsy, but her paws sometimes still got tangled up.


“Stark!” she called out with squeals of delight. Where had he gone off too? It didn’t really matter, because he was back, and Nanna couldn’t wait to see him.


Apr 12, 2018 12:10 PM — Post #1

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204967
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

Stark was greeted by a face he loved to see. The little girl had grown bigger again, he could tell from a distance. She sounded older, too. Stark smiled weakly as her, as he moved down the path into the Falls. Why was she so happy to see him? He had not really done anything to help out the pack. He had ran away again. Cried like a baby. He did not call out to her.

His legs wobbled underneath his body.


Apr 12, 2018 01:35 PM — Post #2

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205374
Name Player
Nanna Art Staff
Achievements (?)
None yet!
 

Something was wrong. Stark normally was happy to see Nanna, but he appeared quite sad. Little paws skidded to a halt as large eyes starred up at the boy.

“Are you ok?” She asked tilting her head. The answer was obviously no, but maybe it would allow the pair to talk? The child hated to see her friends upset, especially Stark because he seemed the most down lately.


Apr 14, 2018 02:58 PM — Post #3

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205450
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

Nanna asked if he was okay, and Stark sighed. ’’Just sad about my mom and Cygnus is all.’’ he said in all honesty, grimacing at the younger wolf. But, he did not tell her he had actually been crying tons, and thought of throwing himself in the ocean; a kid did not need to know such a story.

Actually, he realized why he had come home. Why he wanted to be a mentor and a Lead Hunter. Nanna, and Finni. These kids. Especially Nanna, who seemed to like him a lot, and who Stark was fond of. Why would he give up if they needed him? Stark could not just… stop existing because he felt bad. Right?

He just… had to suck it up, and live with it. Like he always did. Only this time, Stark knew he had to shut up about it, and pretend to be fine. For their sake.

’’I will be fine.’’ he told her gruffly, and he hoped his words were true.
’’You know, we talked about mentors for you and Finni, a while back… Would you want me to be your mentor?’’ Or would she rather have someone else teach her?


Apr 15, 2018 05:16 AM — Post #4

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205480
Name Player
Nanna Art Staff
Achievements (?)
None yet!
 

Nanna nodded. She had become slightly more mature over the past month. Her mind seemed to understand when to be quite. This was one of those times.

The girl gave a slow nod as she looked up at Stark. His next words caused her body to take a step forward and perk her ears in attention.

“Yes… Of course!” she said quickly with a large grin on her face.


Apr 15, 2018 10:15 AM — Post #5

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205482
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

She agreed so quickly, so readily. She sounded excited, and it made Stark feel a little bit better. He nodded once, looking at her. ’’I will tell Natasha when I see her, then. Or your mom.’’ he let her know. He could not yet call himself her mentor. After all, they needed to agree on it first, didn’t they…? ’’Because they need to know rthat I want to be your mentor.’’


Apr 15, 2018 10:30 AM — Post #6

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205484
Name Player
Nanna Art Staff
Achievements (?)
None yet!
 

He wagged her tail and nodded. She was so happy! “When are we going to explore?” she asked tilting her head.

Nanna was now older since their last talk about an adventure. Maybe an adventure would get him happy again?


Apr 15, 2018 10:53 AM — Post #7

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205487
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

Hah, she asked about exploring. ’’We will when I see your mom and ask her if that’s okay with her.’’ he told the kid and he… grinned. He began to feel more at ease again, even if certain thoughts plagued him, worrying if he was good enough for anything, or anyone. For this pack, for this kid, and for himself. Because, Stark still hated himself. A lot.

’’I think I’m gonna go hunting in a bit. Need to fill the cache, and stay busy.’’ Stark wanted something to do, and he needed to stay busy to show he could do it… Or, he would try, at least. When he was younger, he often tried to prove himself to get other’s approval. Now, he wanted to do it to get his own approval.


Apr 15, 2018 11:23 AM — Post #8

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205488
Name Player
Nanna Art Staff
Achievements (?)
None yet!
 

Nanna licked her lips as Stark said he would have to get her mother’s permission. She didnt know if Eyja would approve or not. The girl prayed though that she and Stark could finally go somewhere besides the Falls.

“Ok” she replied simply. Stark wanted to go hunting. Nanna didnt think she was ready for a full out hunt and she was fine with that.

-fade?-


Apr 15, 2018 11:33 AM — Post #9

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205490
Stark is currently Inactive. Activate? Inactive
Name Player
Stark Spitfire Jeames
 

Hmm, she did not ask if she could come and join him, or at least watch him. That was new to Stark. But, maybe she had grown up a little and lost some of her puppyish excitement? ’’Will ask your mom if we can go out soon, and then we can explore the Glen and hunt there.’’ he told the kid.

Odd, how he suddenly had some more energy. The moment he had stepped over the borders, he had been dragging his paws, ready to drop down and sleep. But now, he felt a bit hungry, and a little bit more awake. And he wanted to go do something. This kid had some good influence on him.

’’See you in a bit, kid.’’ he told her, and then turned to find a scent to track down.

[Fadeee]


Apr 15, 2018 11:59 AM — Post #10

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