Stark was home. At first, he had dragged himself home. Nut the longer he walked, the more he was able to clear his head and eventually… he came walking into the Falls like nothing had happened. However, he looked different. Tired, for sure, but also… hollow. Indifferent.
He didn’t really feel sad anymore. He had cried a lot. And he had cried enough. He felt empty now, very empty. And he felt useless.
But, he wanted to be useful. He did not really know how, but he had been thinking.
Bucky and Braith were at the coast. He could always go to them, always talk to them. But while he wanted that, was that a good thing? He did not want to grow attached to wolves again. It hurt less if wolves died who you were not familiar with. Stark had not really cried over Yakov. It had been his mother’s death, and Cygnus’ that had done it for him. That had made him break.
Stark decided he could not go crying to everyone, every time something bad happened. He had to close himself off, detach himself. Deal with things, himself. That’s what needed to be done. And if he ever wanted to take care of the Brotherhood, he needed to not be a fucking pussy.
The only thing he was really good at was hunting. He had not felt ready. And maybe he still was not ready, but he had considered it. Becoming Lead Hunter. If he could be brave, look his sister straight in the eyes and tell her he was considering it, would she think he was brave? Would she consider him worthy?
God damn it. He would fight for it if he had to. He was so done with running away.
Maybe feeling empty and hollow was better than feeling sad.
It made him think clearer.
Or did it?
Stark suddenly wanted to go hunting. By himself. Bring down a big beast.
Take it home to the cache, show that he could do it.
But his legs fell heavy, and he wasn’t sure for how much longer he could walk.
Stark didn’t know how to feel anymore, what to think anymore. He was utterly exhausted. His mind screamed that he was useless, that he needed to die. His heart told him to try for the role of Lead Hunter, to follow this desire.
Apr 12, 2018 03:13 AM
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