Kaete had a lot of things to worry about, concerning her upcoming quest to have babies. Running into violent males, being a bad mother (how would she know how to love pups when she had never been loved herself?), her pups not being happy, all kinds of terrible things happening to them, or perhaps worst of all, either all of them dying, or her not getting pregnant in the first place. And now, on top of all that, she had to worry about not having a stable home to raise them in. Because this wasn’t home, all thanks to Bucky.
She had planned to talk to Nomad anyway, to offer her sympathy and understanding about the heartbreak he had gone through, but now she also had to tell him she was leaving, for good this time. Which wasn’t going to make him feel any better, but there was only Bucky to blame. She wondered if Bucky would consider that just because he wouldn’t miss her, that didn’t mean no one else would. Did he care if he was hurting his best friend by driving her away? Of course not. He was Bucky.
It was just another messed-up truth of how her life worked, that she lost everyone who was even close to being a friend. Every friend she’d ever had disappeared from her life, until Nomad was really the only one left, and now she was about to lose him too. Sure, she could come back to visit from time to time, if Bucky would even allow her to, but Nomad would eventually forget about her, replace her with other more important wolves, and their friendship would fade. It was inevitable.
If she thought about it, friends were kind of useless really, for that very reason. They always ended up caring more about someone else than about her, until they didn’t care about her at all. Loyalty didn’t exist. Even if she had pups, they too would leave her, someday. And what then? Keep replacing them with more pups every year, and as soon as she failed to do so, that was the end? That had really been the whole appeal of having a mate: someone who would never leave, who would never prefer someone else’s company over hers. If she could be the most important for once, even if it was only to one wolf, that would be amazing. But it could never happen.
“Nomad?” she called as she slowly moved along the snow-dusted hill, absent-mindedly, taking in the view of the gorge that wasn’t home anymore. It was just a gorge. A place for Bucky and whoever he hadn’t gotten around to hurting yet. She didn’t belong here. She didn’t belong anywhere, with anyone. It was stupid to ever think she did.
Jul 11, 2018 05:14 AM
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